I’ve had the opportunity to meet and interact with a lot of people in the adult industry over the years, and Charlotte Sartre is one of my absolute favorites. Charlotte is a classic case of ‘you can’t judge a book by its cover’, because while she IS all the things that you see when you look at her, she is SO much more than “just a pretty face”, or “that pretty, tattooed goth girl”. Not only is she a special, outstanding performer with unlimited potential and literally no limit to what she’s eager to do and experiment with on camera, off camera she’s one of (if not THE) most talented, intelligent, diverse people I’ve ever known. She’s genuine. And real. And honest. And kind. And funny as fuck!!! Charlotte lights up a room with both her smile and her personality. Plus, any girl that will have the ingredients for an omelet pour into her ass, push those ingredients out, have them cooked in front of her, then eat the ‘ass omelet’ is my kinda girl.
I was first “introduced” to Charlotte Sartre by sheer circumstance, while …. ummmm … “conducting research” on another ‘new girl’ in the industry who also webcammed on kink.com’s cam site. Basically, I noticed this really pretty ‘young Joan Jett’-esque looking girl, read her profile, and entered her chat room. Two minutes and three responses later, I realized right away that this is a really sexy girl who “gets it”. I’ve been thrilled to watch her career blossom from its infancy stages to her current level of success over the past nearly two years now. What’s been even more thrilling for me personally: having the distinct honor of making her a Trophy Girl for ’s , and having the sheer pleasure of calling Charlotte Sartre “friend”.
Gabriel Lan: Do you remember how we 1st met?
Charlotte Sartre: Not exactly….
Gabriel Lan: You were camming on KinkLive. I noticed your pic, and your profile said that you “enjoy self-fisting my asshole and crying”. I was immediately hooked lol….. when I contacted you on Twitter, I knew, “here’s someone who ‘gets it’. You don’t take yourself too seriously. Do you?
Charlotte Sartre: OMG! I forgot it was that far back….
Charlotte Sartre: I absolutely do not take myself seriously, and I’m so glad you recognize and appreciate that.
Gabriel Lan: Life’s too short for that, isn’t it? I mean, from your perspective, can you ever truly be happy if you’re self-important? And besides that, it’s porn, right? Isn’t it ‘supposed’ to be “fun” it its essence?
Charlotte Sartre: You can’t be happy if you’re self-important. Life is too short to not have fun and to love what you do. It’s privileged of me to say that because I’m fortunate enough to have a career where I have sex with beautiful people for a living and have fun. But I agree, porn is supposed to be fun. And if you’re not having fun doing porn, it’s not the career for you.
Gabriel Lan: What DO you take seriously?
Charlotte Sartre: Sports, my friends, my family, my health, and my cats.
Gabriel Lan: How often do some of your tweets taken seriously when they’re completely tongue in cheek in your mind? To the point where people actually react in a way that makes you just shake your head lol
Charlotte Sartre: A lot of what I post is tongue in cheek, but if I post something about an abstract sexual fetish I’m usually pretty serious about it and I get about half negative judgmental responses and half positive responses from people who understand me and don’t take me too seriously.
Gabriel Lan: Is there anyone who better portrays the whole ‘not taking themselves seriously’ attitude than Missy Martinez? She’s laugh out loud, do a spit take hysterical and the best there is at self-deprecating humor in my opinion.
Charlotte Sartre: Missy Martinez is the queen of hams and attitude and hilarity. I love her so much and can’t wait to meet her.
Gabriel Lan: Who are some of the funnier people in the adult industry that you’ve met, had interactions via social media, or worked with so far?
Charlotte Sartre: Besides Missy, Ryan Riesling is the funniest goddamn bitch I’ve ever met. After I saw ‘Rogue One’ the first thing she texted me was, “which character in Rogue One made you the horniest?” and I busted my ass laughing. We also constantly bounce ideas back and forth about doing ‘Blade Runner’-themed porn together.
Gabriel Lan: Are you excited at all about the new Blade Runner sequel releasing this year?
Charlotte Sartre: I’m so fucking excited but I wish they would have picked Bryan Gozzling for the lead role instead of Ryan Gosling. Sequels set that far into the future are always kind of hit or miss so I hope they don’t fuck this one up. I hope they reveal what happened to Rachel and address the fan rumors of whether Deckard was a replicant all along or not. I have faith in Ridley Scott though. I’m also excited for the new Alien movie coming out.
Gabriel Lan: Would you rather play the role of Rachael or Pris from the original movie?
Charlotte Sartre: In a regular movie, I’d play Rachael because I look the most like her. In a porno parody I’d love to play Pris because she’d probably do anal. She is a pleasure model after all. And Rutger Hauer was sooooo hot back in the day.
Gabriel Lan: So, how long were you involved in camming before you made the leap to shooting porn?
Charlotte Sartre: I started camming in March of 2015 and I did my first scene in August of 2015.
Gabriel Lan: Are still camming? And if so, where? How often?
Charlotte Sartre: Not as often as I used to. Occasionally I’ll do girl/girl shows with my good friend Moth (she goes by mothandrust) on Chaturbate. I’m blessed and fortunate enough that I get booked fairly often and can make a living off just doing porn. But if I have a slow month and don’t want to dip into my savings I always have camming to fall back on. It’s just a lot less fun for me and more emotionally draining to talk to and entertain a virtual room full of hundreds of people all by myself. It’s much easier for me to do it and feel less awkward if I have another girl there to make out with and do sex stuff with.
Gabriel Lan: Not too long ago, you got, in your words, your first “real tattoo” lol. What did you get? What was un-real about the other ones….. like the Rest In Piss one, for example lol
Charlotte Sartre: I got a half sleeve which was a cover up of some shitty stick and pokes on my arm. I got a cobra surrounded by a bunch of spider webs and the initials BA (for Burning Angel, my family). All my other un-real tattoos are just stick and pokes I’ve done on myself or with the help of friends (my best friend Nikki Hearts did the shading of the rose on my left hand along with Gonzo, the name of Joanna Angel’s deceased dog and my favorite genre of porn, on my left wrist).
Gabriel Lan: I’ve heard this expression since I was a kid, “It’s better to be pissed off than to be pissed off.” In your expert opinion, is that statement true?
Charlotte Sartre: Nope!!! I hate being mad, but I LOVE getting peed on.
Gabriel Lan: I saw a video of you doing something. Can anyone send you a hat or other items of their teams’ rival for you to piss on?
Charlotte Sartre: Oh, yes. Recently, I pissed on a Texas Rangers hat for a custom video that a Houston Astros fan bought from me. Another fan mailed me a canvas print of Donald Trump to piss on and then mail back to him, to be placed in the pissoir at Dolores Park (a popular, yet scummy park in San Francisco).
Gabriel Lan: Within a range of plus or minus …let’s say… 10, how many times have you either peed in public and/or recorded yourself peeing?
Charlotte Sartre: I’ve completely lost count. Often when I’m at airports or in any other type of public restroom I film myself pissing on snapchat out of boredom. Eventually I might compile a bunch of those and put them on Pornhub for the ad revenue, but I’m too lazy to do it. I piss in public quite often, especially if I’m in a friend’s backyard and having too much fun to go inside. I used to piss outside a lot more when I was drunk, but I’ve completely quit drinking so the frequency of public pissing has slightly decreased.
Gabriel Lan: Tell me a little about …. What is the inspiration behind the name, etc?
Charlotte Sartre: toiletbaby.com redirects to my personal website/directory . You can thank Nikki Hearts for the name. It all started back when I shot a scene with her that she directed for Filly Films where we had sex in a hotel room. During that scene she banged me with a strap on and then made me answer the door for the pizza delivery man naked, but I digress. For “pretty girls” promotional photos she took one photo of me squatting on a toilet spreading my pussy wide open. She later posted that photo on Twitter with the simple yet sweet caption, “toilet baby.” The rest is history.
Gabriel Lan: LoL You are a really big fan of ‘water sports’, aren’t you?
Charlotte Sartre: Of course! You know I’m a fan of water sports. You will have no problem finding scenes of me on the internet where I’m drinking pee, being covered in pee, or being water boarded with pee. I think it’s absolutely thrilling. It’s funny because when I did my “rest in piss” tattoo it was actually because I’m a fan of Brotha Lynch Hung (a Sacramento rapper, a local legend to me) and my favorite song by him is called Rest in Piss. It was only shortly after that I discovered I had a hardcore piss fetish!
Gabriel Lan: Double anal. Triple anal. I’ve even heard Quadruple anal. How high will the bar be set? How high are you planning on attempting?
Charlotte Sartre: I’ve done double anal a bunch of times and plan on continuing to do it throughout my career. As for triple anal, I’ve only done it off camera just to see if I could do it. This September when I go back to Prague to shoot for LegalPorno I will do as much triple anal as I can get away with. I don’t want to do quadruple anal right away because I’m running out of virginities to lose and I’ve been doing porn for only a year and a half and want to give my fans something to look forward to and anticipate. If I can physically do quadruple anal I will eventually, but I don’t know if I can yet because I’ve never tried it. Just wait and keep your eyes open and you’ll see me with three dicks in my ass in the coming months.
Gabriel Lan: How many tarantulas do you have now? What is it about them that makes you want them as pets? I know you have cats too….. ever catch them staring at the tarantulas?
Charlotte Sartre: I have 9 tarantulas so far. I’ve always loved spiders ever since I was a young child. I used to keep daddy long legs and jumping spiders in terrariums and when I was 17 I kept and bred black widows and let them crawl all over me. I wish I still had those videos because they showcase the frailty and shyness of the black widow. They are truly sweet and misunderstood creatures. I’ve never been afraid of them because I was fortunate enough to have parents and grandparents that appreciated them and told me that all spiders hold a special and important place in the ecosystem. They are more afraid of you than you are of them, and they kill and eat icky insects like mosquitos. There are so many different and fascinating species of spiders and tarantulas and they’re all beautiful to me. I love having them as pets because they’re unique and very low maintenance for someone who travels a lot like myself. My cats are also fascinated by my tarantulas, so I keep them on a very high shelf out of reach. When I lived in San Francisco, my infamous orange tabby, Juice, once knocked over the enclosure containing my G. Porteri named Madison (after kickass Giants pitcher #40 Madison Bumgarner) and she injured her leg and began leaking hemolymph. The thing about spiders and most invertebrates is that their “blood” is a beautiful light blue color, which is fascinating to look at but it doesn’t clot. So I was freaking out and crying while frantically googling what to do. I put a dot of super glue over the injury and it healed with her next molt. Long story short, keep cats away from tarantulas.
Gabriel Lan: Was your cat charged with domestic violence for coming at you with a knife? LoL one of the funniest things ever…. Did you put it on YouTube? That had to go viral lol
Charlotte Sartre: No, I love him too much to press charges. He’s the Bobby Brown to my Whitney Houston. I would never admit or snitch on the abuse he inflicts upon me. I posted the video on Instagram and Twitter, where it received like 6k retweets and 10k favorites. I put the video on YouTube where it has so far received a whopping 126 views. I have a YouTube channel 100% dedicated to pets but I try not to promote it too much because I still receive a lot of unrelated hate comments because I do porn for a living, and also because I have a video on there of my G. Porteri eating a baby mouse as her once-a-year treat. Anyway, the link to my Youtube channel is :
Gabriel Lan: Any other pets besides the cats and the spiders? Don’t you have a reptile or two as well?
Charlotte Sartre: Not at the moment, no. I used to have two bearded dragons, but they both passed away. I stuffed and mounted my female bearded dragon but I left her in San Francisco at my aunt’s house and the male is still, as far as I know, in my aunt’s freezer in a plastic bag waiting for me to come back and immortalize him.
Gabriel Lan: You’re living in LA / Hollywood now, but you lived in the San Francisco bay area for a while. How long were you there? What do you miss most about San Fran?
Charlotte Sartre: I lived there full-time for 3 1/2 years, but as a child I spent every summer there. I miss the public transportation; I miss the fog; I miss the view of the financial district as one drives into the city via the Bay Bridge; I miss the San Francisco Giants; I miss taking BART to Oakland Coliseum to attend overpriced Golden State Warriors games; I miss The Armory and shooting for kink.com there; I miss my aunt and uncle; I miss the cold beaches and finding dead sea lions washed up on them; God I could go on and on. I don’t miss how expensive the fucking rent up there was though. Nobody can afford to live there unless they work for Google or something.
Gabriel Lan: You mentioned the Armory. Isn’t it sad that scenes are no longer being shot there? It’s practically a historical porn landmark in addition to its already long history anyway. It was almost a second home for you, wasn’t it? Have you shot anything for them since the move?
Charlotte Sartre: It’s very sad. When I shot my last gangbang there before they moved, it was a very emotional experience. I also stayed at the Armory for a couple nights, and it was my first time staying there ever because every other time I had shot for them I was living in San Francisco and didn’t need to crash there. It was very spooky and I got scared because the building was so empty, so I snuggled with my good friend Mickey Mod at night and felt safer. I have shot for Whipped Ass since they moved to their studio in Oakland. And I shot for Everything Butt and Ultimate Surrender in Las Vegas during the first week of May. It’s bittersweet that the Armory isn’t a thing anymore for porn. It was such a unique experience and place to be. It was like porno camp with fun communal showers! I’m excited about all the new studios and I trust that the directors at Kink.com will still be making amazing content no matter where on Earth they’re shooting it.
Gabriel Lan: What do you like about living in LA? What do you dislike? lol
Charlotte Sartre: I love how I have so many friends here and most porn happens here, so I find myself busier and more successful. I love living by myself with my cats and walking around Hollywood smelling the piss in the air, and walking past Marlon Brando’s star on the Walk of Fame. I live right near the Museum of Death too, which is one of my favorite places to go in my spare time. I also have been going to the movies a lot because I can walk to the Arclight or the Chinese Theater (which is cheaper than Arclight).
Gabriel Lan: How is having your own place going? I remember you texting me about how excited you were to have a place of your own, to not have to have a roommate….. Did you feel like a real life grown up when you signed the lease? Lol J
Charlotte Sartre: It’s wonderful, I love having privacy and walking around naked and petting my cats. It was very lonely though since I had never lived by myself anywhere, so I immediately adopted two cats to keep me company and that’s helped my mental health a lot. I still don’t quite feel like a grown-up, because I don’t have a car or a driver’s license yet but I’ll get there eventually. I feel more independent and responsible though at least and it’s nice to have responsibilities every day. It keeps me sane.
Gabriel Lan: Since you’re a big sports fan too, let’s do a little ‘would you rather’….. Would you rather be a ball girl for the Golden State Warriors or a bat girl for the San Francisco Giants? And why?
Charlotte Sartre: That’s a tough fucking question, but probably bat girl for the Giants because I’ve been a fan of theirs for much longer, have their logo tattooed on me, and I understand baseball a lot more than I understand basketball so I think I would do a better job on the field as opposed to the court.
Gabriel Lan: Did you go to any of the games very often when you lived there?
Charlotte Sartre: I went to at least 10 Giants games a year when I lived in San Francisco. I plan on attending at least 2 Giants vs Dodgers games this year at Dodger Stadium and I will dress head to toe in black and orange. Fuck the Dodgers!!!
Gabriel Lan: Does your bitter Giants hatred of the Dodgers burn even brighter now that you’re in LA??? LoL
Charlotte Sartre: See my last answer lol. I remember the first time I came to LA; it was to do a music video (this was before I got into porn). I was on my way to my hotel and saw a billboard with some Dodgers players on it. I felt my heart rate and blood pressure increasing and a seething rage overcame me. I still feel that every time I see that hideous shade of Dodger blue, anytime I drive past the stadium, anytime I see someone wearing a dumbass LA logo hat, etc. I have a habit of going to the airport wearing my vintage SF Giants Starter jacket and baseball cap and I get so much shit from TSA because most of them are Dodgers fans. Last time I flew, I wore a Golden State Warriors shirt and one of the TSA agents asked, “are you watching the game tonight?” with no ill-will in his voice. It’s funny because the Clippers and the Lakers are doing terrible this year and everyone knows it. When I go to Warriors vs Clippers games at Staples Center, I see more people wearing blue and yellow than I see people wearing red or whatever the Clippers team colors are because I don’t really care enough to notice. But people in LA stubbornly cling to their inferior Dodgers even though they haven’t won a World Series since 1988, and as we all know, the Giants won in 2010, 2012, and 2014. Three in five years ain’t bad at all. Anytime a Dodgers fan tries to talk shit to me I just hold up three fingers and tell ‘em to count the rings, bitch.
Gabriel Lan: Is Madison Bumgarner in fact THE best hitting pitcher in MLB?
Charlotte Sartre: I’m biased because he plays for the Giants but fuck yes. #pitcherswhorake
Gabriel Lan: From a whole different aspect of Giants versus Warriors debate: for which team would you rather be the centerpiece of a gangbang?
Charlotte Sartre: Since Angel Pagan doesn’t play for the Giants anymore — he’s in-fact taking a year off baseball to spend time with his family — I must say I’d prefer a Golden State Warriors gangbang. Steph Curry is the hottest basketball player ever and I’m sure he could throw three-point shots from halfway across the court directly into my asshole all night. Andre Iguodala is also mega hot and I think banging Draymond Green would be super fun. Kevin Durant would be great too, and Klay Thompson is welcome in my butthole anytime anywhere. Just dear God, keep Anderson Varejão out of my gangbang please. He’s the fucking worst and I hope the Warriors get rid of his garbage ass ASAP.
Gabriel Lan: Since you’re a huge sports fan and clearly have more knowledge on the subject than the “average” girl, ….. were you active in organized sports growing up?
Charlotte Sartre: I used to do ballet as a young girl, but I quit because it was too painful. I also used to be on a swim team and I won a bunch of 2nd place medals, but never 1st place and I still feel shitty about that. I just want to be the best at everything I do. Like I tweeted a while ago, I want to be the Buster Posey of doing anal porn. I also played field hockey for a bit the summer before high school, but my father wouldn’t let me join the team (just like he wouldn’t let me be on the T-ball team with my twin brother as a toddler) because it was allegedly too dangerous, even though my brother was allowed to play lacrosse, which is a sport where people get hit in the chest with balls and die instantly. I tried out for track & field, but I fucking hate running so I was god-awful at it, except for hurdles and long-jump.
Gabriel Lan: You have so far avoided the…. umm…. “trend” of growing a bush (on a personal note: thank you for that, obtw). So much so that you were awarded Spank Bank Awards 2017’s ‘Smooth As Silk (aka Best Bald Beaver) award. Do you simply just prefer being clean shaven? And what do you do to get it SO smooth?
Charlotte Sartre: I prefer being clean shaven because when I grow hair it makes me very itchy down there. If I had a bush, it would be shaped like a cross. I used to have a landing strip when I was 18 but that alone was so much grooming maintenance I don’t think I could manage it. It’s just too much work. My secret to a smooth pussy is shaving with a Gillette Pro Fusion and using this really expensive L’Occitane almond shower oil stuff. And then I put Dove deodorant on my mound after I shave because I find it prevents razor bumps. It’s an old stripper trick, allegedly… but it works.
Gabriel Lan: Since I mentioned the Spank Bank Awards, you were a “trophy girl” this year (thank you for that, too obtw). What are your thoughts on proskyway.ru’s annual awards? Did you enjoy being a part of them, and in the ‘inner circle’ so to speak?
Charlotte Sartre: I love the because they’re hilarious and more inclusive of performers who might not otherwise receive mainstream recognition. I love being friends with you and being in that inner circle and I appreciate that you actually had trophies made and mailed them to me!! I’ve never won any other porn awards so far, so these hold a special place in my heart and I keep them on the shelf in my kitchen.
Gabriel Lan: I know you’re 1st sexual experience was with a girl and that you’ve had probably more girlfriends than boyfriends in your personal life, so how would you describe your sexual orientation? 60% gay 40% straight? More??? Less??
Charlotte Sartre: I would say 90% gay 10% straight. I’m really good at taking dick and I rarely get booked for girl/girl scenes, so most people assume the opposite of me. I do have a boyfriend, but he’s a very rare exception because he’s special. Before porn I only dated girls and had sex with more girls than guys.
Charlotte Sartre: Originally I wanted to be like Georgia Jones and do girl/girl porn only but I, also really wanted to fuck Rocco Siffredi eventually, so my first scene was girl/girl anal and after that I just went straight to the dicks.
Gabriel Lan: What attracts you to a girl? Same question about in a guys… What qualities, looks, personalities, etc?
Charlotte Sartre: Looks are a major factor, but not the most important. I love a good, fucked-up sense of humor, sweet personality, openness and understanding of my sluttiness. They MUST be a cat person and being into sports is optional.
Gabriel Lan: What does an average off day entail for you? What sorts of things do you do for fun, typically?
Charlotte Sartre: I wake up, play with my cats, check my email, figure out what my friends are doing. If I’m doing a scene that day, I wake up super early and clean my butt out and head to set with my bag of slutty clothes. Then, after I get ass fucked, I eat country fried steak with sausage gravy and mashed potatoes. For fun, 99% of the time I’m hanging out with Nikki Hearts and Leigh Raven because I love them to death. Sometimes I work on little Arduino projects and solder shit together. I haven’t had a chance to work on taxidermy because I’m just getting settled into my new place and haven’t bought all the chemicals and tools I need yet or any dead animals to work on.
Gabriel Lan: Have you started your tax preparation business for adult industry performers yet, and will you hopefully have a strip mall of your own one day that also houses a taxidermy business, a medicinal marijuana store, and a specialty sex toy shop? Or some other shops perhaps? LoL
Charlotte Sartre: I haven’t yet. Honestly, I hate doing taxes for adult industry people because most of the ones who hit me up are brand new and can’t afford to pay me, haven’t saved any money for taxes and get upset with me when they don’t get a refund. Well duh, we’re self-employed, that’s how it works. Outside of special circumstances like having children and whatever, we don’t get money back. We’re lucky enough that we get to jerk off and have sex for a living, so I don’t mind not getting any money back from the government and paying the IRS thousands of dollars each spring. One day, I would love to do taxidermy as a living, but California has so many rules and regulations on what animal parts you can and can’t possess. Like, you can’t have a mountain lion or a bear or anything because that’s very illegal.
Charlotte Sartre: Also, hunting is not very popular in California, which is where most taxidermists make their money. Nowadays, there’s been a sort of Renaissance of young female taxidermists doing artistic creative mounts for independent collectors and not doing the typical ‘whitetail-deer-over-the-fireplace’ stuff. I might start an Etsy store or something selling wet mounts, because those are very easy and economical to do, and see if I can find the time to do taxidermy and sell some small mounts like rats and rabbits and such. Nowadays, my calendar is always filled and I rarely get a free day to myself, so it’s hard to make time for my other hobbies and passions outside of getting piss in my asshole.
Gabriel Lan: I’m sure you’ve been asked this more times than you can count, but in your opinion, what is the difference between “goth” and “emo”?
Charlotte Sartre: Goths dress in all black and listen to 80s gothic rock like Sisters of Mercy, Bauhaus, Siouxsie and the Banshees, newer stuff like Christian Death, horror core rap like Three 6 Mafia, Evil Pimp, some Kool Keith albums, etc. Emos listen to alternative emotional stuff like Rites of Spring, Sunny Day Real Estate, My Chemical Romance, Panic at the Disco, Fall Out Boy, stuff like that I’m pretty sure and have a completely different style. Emo is a much newer thing compared to goth as well, I think it came about in the 90s in America and goth was invented in England in the 80s.
Gabriel Lan: What is your fascination with Whitney Houston? Why are you such a fan?
Charlotte Sartre: She had an amazing fucking voice. It brings me to tears. She’s also one of the most beautiful and talented women that ever existed and I’m fascinated by her personal life and her struggle with drugs and alcohol and coping with being in the spotlight when she’s such a shy person like myself. I can relate to her, or at least that’s what my psychiatrist said. Also, she’s automatically goth because she’s dead. That’s about as goth as you can get.
Gabriel Lan: What are the best and worst vampire movies of all time? Like top and bottom 3 or so ….. Or even TV shows….
Charlotte Sartre: Best vampire TV show is ‘True Blood’. I haven’t watched anything else so I don’t really give a fuck about them.
Charlotte Sartre: The best vampire movies are ‘Bram Stoker’s Dracula’ and ‘What We do in the Shadows’.
Charlotte Sartre: The worst vampire movies are ‘Twilight’ (do I really need to say it?) and surprisingly ‘Queen of the Damned’. It has an awesome soundtrack and Aaliyah is in it and she’s super fucking hot, but the movie makes no sense.
Charlotte Sartre: Now, ‘The Hunger’, starring David Bowie is AMAZING for the first 10 minutes or so. It starts out with him and some bitch in a goth club where Peter Murphy of Bauhaus performs Bela Lugosi’s ‘Dead in a Cage’, and David Bowie and his bitch figure out who’s going to be their prey for the night. After that it just starts getting really confusing and the plot is impossible to follow and nothing logical is explained. ‘The Hunger’ is a gray area.
Gabriel Lan: Let’s wrap this up be playing a little game of Fuck, Marry, Murder:
Gabriel Lan: Taylor Momsen (lead singer of The Pretty Reckless), Lzzy Hale (lead singer of Halestorm), and Amy Lee (lead singer of Evanescence). Fuck, Marry, Murder…. and why?
Charlotte Sartre: Kill Taylor Momsen because she’s a fake goth, fuck Lzzy Hale because she’s hot and marry Amy Lee because she’s hot AND goth.
Gabriel Lan: How about Lady Gaga, Rihanna, and Katy Perry. Fuck, Marry, Murder…. and why?
Charlotte Sartre: Kill Katy Perry, fuck lady Gaga, marry Rihanna because Rihanna is perfect and hot. Lady Gaga would be good in bed and would probably be into having a threesome and Katy Perry is just an annoying, untalented, cultural appropriator and I’ve never liked her since she piggy backed off the lesbian experience with “I Kissed a Girl”
Gabriel Lan: One final one: Buster Posey, Steph Curry, Eric Andre. Fuck, Marry, Murder…. and why?
Charlotte Sartre: Oh fuck you, Gabriel! You son of a bitch! This is such a hard question. I would marry Steph Curry, fuck Eric Andre because I’ve seen pictures of his dick before and it looks cool, and kill Buster Posey, because as sad as that would be, he has made enough money to support his family and I think getting murdered by a pornstar automatically adds you to the MLB Hall of Fame.
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